I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
