I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
