I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
BRING THE BAGELS
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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