you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
