brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
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