So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
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