Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize
