a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
