OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
