cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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