Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Randomize
