Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Randomize
