Too much gin, very little bucket
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Randomize
