I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
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