tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
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