woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
is that a dick in a sweater?
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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