i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
