i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
