I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
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