she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
