Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Randomize
