Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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