do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Randomize
