never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
