Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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