In the future we'll all be gay
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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