I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
