God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
