Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
