As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
