Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
