After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
