omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
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