it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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