we made out on top of his cat.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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