I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
