I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
