It's like God shit irony all over that family
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
