I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
