So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
