Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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