I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
