If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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