those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
