your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
