Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
