"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
