Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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