You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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