Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
