i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
